Love and Fear: Two Sides of Parenting

Parenting brings out the deepest love we have ever felt. It also brings out fear. The love we feel for our children is instinctive and protective. It guides us to nurture, comfort, and show up again and again. Under that same love, fear often settles in. Fear of missing something important. Fear of not doing enough. Fear of doing too much.

Love and fear sit side by side in parenting. Love helps us connect. Fear tries to keep us safe. When fear becomes louder than love, it can sound like:

• “What if I am failing my child”

• “What if something bad happens”

• “What if this behavior means something worse”

These thoughts come from care, but they can make us more reactive, rigid, or self-critical than we intend. Fear narrows our lens. It pulls us out of curiosity and away from connection with our child.

Shifting From Fear Back to Love

When you notice fear rising, pause and name it gently. “This is fear speaking.” Naming what you are feeling creates space to respond instead of react. Then ask yourself: What is my love trying to protect? If love guided my next step, what would it look like? Sometimes love says, “Take a breath.” Sometimes love says, “Set a boundary.” Sometimes love says, “They are still learning, and so am I.” Love and fear will always exist together. Awareness helps love lead.

A Reflection for Parents

Think of a recent moment when fear took the lead. What was that fear trying to protectHow might love have responded differently

In Therapy

In therapy, we explore how fear shows up in parenting. Not as a flaw, but as a form of care that has become overwhelming or rigid. Together, we look at how to return to steadiness through awareness, boundaries, and nervous system regulation. These tools help parents reconnect with their values and feel closer to the parent they want to be.